roundabout

The other day I went to pick up my rental car. After the lady took me on a walk around the car pointing out the dents and dings, she handed me the key and left me to it. I think this is what new parents feel like when the nurse hands them their baby as they are about to leave the hospital: you're actually going to let me leave with this thing? I don't need to take a test or something? Are you sure?

I opened the right hand door and got in, thinking about how I probably should have studied up on road signs or something before this moment. Funny, the key still goes in on the right. I thought it would be completely mirror opposite and the ignition would be on the left of the steering wheel. I put on my seatbelt, checked my mirrors and headed out, chanting "Left, left, left. Stay to the left."

A quarter mile down the road I thought "This isn't too bad." Then I thought, "Man, this car is awfully squeaky." Then I thought, "Crap, the emergency brake is still on."

At the first left, I put on my turn signal and the front and back wipers went on, complete with spray. I managed to stop the front ones but not the back. At subsequent red lights I tried to figure out how to stop the back wipers. Move the thingy up. Down. Twist the thingy. Twist the thingy the other way. Flip the switch on the thingy. Why are there so many moving parts on this thingy? It's a Ford Focus for crissakes. Finally, almost home, I figured out that the thingy moves forward and backward too, and that is what controls the back wipers. I sighed with relief just as my left wheels nicked the curb for the third time. I imagine the rental car lady will spend an extra few minutes pointing out existing dents and dings to the next renter.

Why do the Brits drive on the left anyway? It seems purposely contrary. It seems like something the French would do. Ah, but it didn't start with cars. It started with wagons, apparently. And horses before that. And pedestrians before that. If all the wagons are driving on the left, one can't start driving cars on the right. But why did horsemen stay to the left? Why, in self-defense, of course. Staying to the left protected the weaker side and put your fighting arm closest to the passer-by. Says the all-knowing Wiki: "…the need to be ready for self-defence on rural roads inclined most horse-riders to keep to their left when encountering oncoming wayfarers, so as to be able to deploy a sword or other hand-weapon more swiftly and effectively should the need arise."

So now I know if I ever need to "deploy a sword" inside a car, it's best to do it in the UK, where my fighting arm will be closest to the oncoming wayfarer. Oh wait, I'm left handed.