Ithaki

News from lunch with my parents and my grandmother:

Item returned to me: the lens cap to my camera (after 3 years)

Gerry's husband Buster is turning 92.

Dad: Remember my mother's old landlord? She just died and she was 104!

Grandma: 104! Was she the one with the retarded daughter?

Mom: No, Ma, not that one. The one from Marlborough Street. And she wasn't retarded, she was schitzophrenic!

Grandma: Oh. Well, I knew it was something mental. I see her all the time.

Mom: And you didn't realize she wasn't retarded?

Me: Has Jimmy moved to Denver yet?

Dad: No, he's still trying to sell his acupuncture practice and his condo.
Me: Why's he going there anyway?

Dad: His cartographic astrologer told him Denver was the place for him.

Dad: You know, in those glasses you look like Nana Mouskouri

Grandma: Uncle Kenny got in another accident. During the blizzard, he went right off the road.

Mom: He's the worst driver.

Grandma: Yes, and he's getting worse every day.

Mom: He still thinks he's a cop, cruising right down the middle of the road. He pays no attention.

Grandma: He scares me to death. I've been in the car a few times when he's gotten into fender benders. And he doesn't want to hear it from me. I'm just his little sister. Like if the light turns and he doesn't notice and I say something. He's all over me about it.

Mom: Ma, you shouldn't get in a car with him any more.

Me: Uh, has anyone thought that maybe the family should think about taking his keys away.

All: Huh?

Word of the day: Zicam.