Prenatal vitamins scare the shit out of dates

I'm so not one of those baby-crazed thirty-something women. Yes, I have a maternal instinct and want kids some day, but no, I'm not trying to steal some random dude's sperm. Don't worry. I mean, I just found a pretty apartment with lots of sharp edges and electrical outlets and I'm working on losing weight, not gaining it, especially the 7 to 8 pounds that you can never get rid of and have to like feed and burp and stuff.

But my iron levels tend to be low (I'm weird with that kind of stuff. My temperature is lower than 98.6, my blood pressure is like 95 over 70; basically, I think I'm part lizard or something) and I was freaked out about someone I know who had a baby with spina bifida which is preventable so long as you have enough folic acid in your system or something, so a while ago I bought a gigantic bottle of over the counter prenatal vitamins because it seemed to have everything I needed anyway as far as multi-vitamins go.

Yeah, but I wasn't really dating people at that time either.

Yeah, and I tend to leave my vitamins out, oh say, on the coffee table or the microwave so I don't forget to take them. There they are, lined up in a row: giant, zillion-pill bottle of prenatal vitamins, calcium, flax seed oil, B complex.

There is a very distinct tone of uhm....Rebeccaaaaa? that comes out of a guy when he sees prenatal vitamins on your coffee table. And no matter the explanation of low iron or folic acid or whatever, all that poor boy is hearing is his own interal voice screaming in horror, mapping escape routes out of the apartment, or sometimes weighing the odds. heh.

This has happened to me twice, because....well, because I forget. I'm thinking of taking some masking tape with the words "So Not" and putting it above the "Prenatal" on the bottle with the whole low-iron, spina bifida explanation and map of an escape route on the back, just in case I forget to put them away again.

And as if that's not enough of putting myself in an awkward situation, apparently I have to create an awkward situation when one doesn't exist. I was on a date recently, completely outside of my apartment, no prenatal vitamins in the vicinity, with a very interesting, handsome, and charming young man , when for some reason I feel compelled to tell my date this story because I think it is funny, even when in my head I'm screaming "Shut up! Shut up! You're the only one who finds this funny! Your 27 year old date will not. He will run to the hills. No man wants to hear a story that starts with 'OK, so, I'm so not baby-crazy or anything, but...' " Interestingly enough, he didn't bolt. Nerves of steel, that one, nerves of steel.

So ladies, take a lesson and add prenatal vitamins to the list of phrases not to use on a date. If you've forgotten the others, my friend Sara and I compiled a list recently. Here are a few:

Hummels
Herstory
Granny Panties
"There's this wedding coming up..."
"My cats did the funniest thing..."
"It's a promise ring to Jesus."
"My nickname at college was Bitchy McFrigid"

etc.

Friendly Neighbor or Creepy Neighbor?

Met my neighbor the other week in the elevator as I was leaving for the airport. A middle-aged man also in temp housing. He mentioned getting together for a drink and helping me get oriented to the area (although I thought I was clear that I'm from this area). I said, "Yeah, sure," and went on my way. Yesterday there was a note on my door. Something to the effect of "Rebecca, Feel free to stop by and visit anytime after 7 p.m." I wrote back on the other side of the note that I had plans that night and actually through the rest of the week, which is true. Today there is a new note on my door saying that next Tuesday is fine and that he could "also do the weekend."

So, tell me...is this creepy dirty old man or friendly neighbor? Would you invite a single female to your apartment "after 7 p.m." that day and not include a plan i.e. "knock on my door and we'll go grab a drink," or "come over for dinner," but instead just ask her to show up no other plans mentioned? Wouldn't you include a phone number and say let's make plans or reference going out to a neighborhood bar/restaurant instead of hanging at his apartment?

Am I over-thinking this, or is it weird?

I'm a thief

I stole this sign because it was awesome and I couldn't help myself. I found it on Cambridge Street. Sorry Jimmy #4, I'm hoping you're not too upset. I took my chances, as your friend wrote that you're a nice guy and you seem to have a sense of humor and you're all like literate and up on current events and stuff. I'm sure you can make another one, which I promise not to take. If anybody knows Jimmy #4, tell him his sign is in good hands.

I did leave the Globe though.